Restrained Mirth

No Shame: Biting the Nails

by Tony Ertel

It’s non likewise oftentimes that y'all uncovering yourself inwards a completely novel situation, non knowing how to human activeness or react. I mean value people to a greater extent than oftentimes than non get got a sense of the proper etiquette required inwards different settings. If not, as well as the private is completely lost, i at to the lowest degree knows to copy other natural-acting people. This generalization, of course, excludes anyone who was e'er homeschooled, every bit they are unlikely to choice upwards whatsoever social cues*.

And thus amongst this agreement inwards mind, that people to a greater extent than oftentimes than non “get it," it amazes me when around conduct to completely shirk social standards as well as create whatever they want. Today’s illustration volition be... biting as well as chewing fingernails. While this habit isn’t completely taboo, it also isn’t listed every bit a personal do that is probable to advance your social condition or brand y'all a meliorate person. In my days every bit a nail- biter, I don’t mean value I received to a greater extent than than a handful of compliments linking how awesome I was to the fact that I had short, jagged fingernails. To hear, “Dude, awesome rugged nails! Is that how y'all got thus practiced at air guitar?!” was rare. Regardless, I maintained my condition every bit a biter for many years.

Those years were marked past times different stages, however, from the seize amongst teeth as well as spit, to the seize amongst teeth as well as chew, to the seize amongst teeth as well as chew as well as swallow, to the seize amongst teeth as well as pocket**. I am non certain just when I transitioned into that final phase. Perhaps it was later on detaching that pain-in-the-butt hangnail during the Lord's Day homily that I realized I had nowhere to transcend away amongst that thing, relieve my ain pocket. But from as well as then on I knew that unless they were going direct inwards the trash tin or beingness released into the wild (i.e. thrown on the soil outside) that I had to materials them into my pockets. I determined that this was the most appropriate  temporary solution to the nails.

This respectful collecting eventually showed its downside when I discovered that the i affair worse as well as to a greater extent than distracting than a hangnail during volume is a sudden boom that has worked itself deep into my steal as well as is cutting at my thigh. However, non fifty-fifty that dreadful sense proved the necessary catalyst of change. Only the honey for a adult woman as well as the wishing to print her amongst my fresh as well as cut down nails could Pb me to cease the biting... But this post service isn’t well-nigh that! It’s well-nigh seeing random fingernails, perchance belonging fifty-fifty to the toe species, inwards random places.

I can’t believe how oftentimes I forthwith run into huge fingernails (toe nails?) inwards church building pews. I wonder if I was that kid, or if I at to the lowest degree had the dignity to seat them direct on the ground. I’ve also larn increasingly aware of nails hither as well as at that topographic point as well as on every populace flooring I’ve seen – from even hallways to shop aisles to eating seat floors. Maybe my super ability is that I get got supervision that entirely plant for dead human cells i time they get got detached from the body. Dumb superpower, but I get got also noticed a lot of hairballs lately...

Let me enjoin i to a greater extent than affair earlier y'all larn likewise disgusted as well as complain to the weblog editor well-nigh me making y'all gag (or sparking bad memories of your ain biting days). I i time witnessed a guy shamelessly as well as systematically gnawing off i boom at a fourth dimension as well as turning to spit them out piece talking to me inwards a prissy restaurant/bar. I was appalled as well as thus shocked that I couldn’t fifty-fifty enjoin anything. I suppose if nosotros had been 12 inches closer to the salad bar I would get got either eked out around words or slapped the dude, but the salad bar was simply out of his range.

My signal is... It is both amazing as well as funny to me when people are seemingly thus ignorant of their distasteful behavior. So nosotros tin create i of ii things: ascension up, condemn the nail-biters for their disgusting habits, brand them where the scarlet “NB” on their chests, as well as pigment the boys’ nails at the peril of emasculation, or...  We tin admit our ain less-than-regal habits (whether or non nosotros get got yet conquered them) as well as express mirth at ourselves as well as our sometimes light-headed humanity. I for i am going to transcend away as well as banking concern fit all of my pockets.

*I am 100% kidding! I was homeschooled (well, for a year). I simply mean value it’s hilarious to accept a few shots at the stereotypes – particularly when y'all or those y'all know shatter them. Homeschoolers Rule! - the LOTR fan club
**Kidding again! While I WAS a biter, I was NEVER a nail-eater. Maybe accidentally. Once.

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